Sometimes when we have pets, it can be hard to realize just what we can deny them. Birds are highly complex exotic animals who can have the intelligence levels & often lifespan of a human. Cognitive ornithology is starting to uncover the true magic of a Bird’s complexity of thought & many owners are now aware that their Birds actually have the ability to know themselves. In this article, we will ponder possible ways that we, as owners, can nurture a Bird’s sense of self, introduce the concept of choice to our precious flock & encourage healthy boundaries. A lot of people believe that when we train or handle our Birds it must be done with total dominance & often a little force too. It will rarely cross the mind of some owners that their Bird actually has thoughts, feelings, opinions & boundaries that may be breached in the process. Because many of my flock members come to me with a traumatic back story, I have had to completely re-think the entire daily life my Birds live & this has made everybody better off. I had to start noticing when a Bird doesn’t want to do something & see the signs of their personal boundaries being breached so that I can step back & show them the respect & dignity they so deserve. I began to ask if they wanted a tickle or to step up & wait for the signs that told me yes or no. When offering treats I started to offer more than one & let them choose which treat they would like. Every time I noticed what their body language was trying to tell me, or every time I respected boundaries, every time they were given choice, it’s like they came alive a little bit more. I now do this with every one of my flock members regardless of background & the results are not what many expect. When I tell people about these methods of recognizing their sense of self & handing them back some autonomy, they often picture out of control Birds with major behavior issues who get away with doing nothing they are told. What actually happens may surprise you…
My flock are incredibly laid back & happy; there is always somebody singing or chatting away with us. I never actually have to tell them off because they don’t do anything wrong. Sometimes they will scream, but it’s never long lived as the inherent need behind the screaming is swiftly met & the Bird is happy again. They don’t often chew things that they are not supposed to as they always have access to things that they can chew. When I need to tell them to do something, it is with the knowledge of their boundaries & what they are comfortable with strongly in mind & they don’t even put up a fight. When there is no confrontation, a Bird rarely feels the need to be angry in return because they feed off our mood & behavior. Biting is often seen as a given when you have a Parrot in your home, but since nurturing & recognizing their sense of self I have only been bitten once in 4 years & I could see it coming. My Meyers Parrot Tommy wanted to play with his new toy, so I hung it up for him & swiftly noticed a piece of packaging that was still on it & this packaging could have hurt him. I had no choice but to grab hold of the toy, which Tommy believed I was stealing away, to make it safe. I know that grabbing toys of his is something very unsettling after living for years in a barren cage & I could see all of the subtle body language changes that told me it was coming. No Bird ever bites ‘out of nowhere’ they don’t ‘launch viciously’, they bite when we fail to notice all of their warning signs & they are frightened or angry & reach the last resort. Another common thing we do when stepping up a Bird is to push our finger or hand into their chest, this is a deeply unpleasant experience & they only grab us because we force them off balance. Any of my Birds who have been stepped up in this way for years by previous owners don’t hesitate to step up for me when I simply offer a hand in front of them & allow them to step up on their own. My special needs Cockatiel Diddy came to me as a baby & she learned to step up instantly with no contact on her chest at all. I just offer a finger & say “do steps diddy” & she will step straight up. I taught her this & had her recall trained without using any force & by always giving her the choice to engage in training or do her own thing. It didn’t happen any slower, she was just happier because I recognize her boundaries.
All of my Birds are completely relaxed because they feel heard, this includes Birds who would scream with terror & flap around if a human was even in the same room. When we get rid of the idea that they are there for us & see that they are our equals, Birds relax & feel at peace when we sometimes never realized they were stressed at all. So, how can we nurture their sense of self?
BOUNDRIES – Do you have boundaries? If you were not in the mood to be social one day or if you asked somebody not to touch you, would you expect those personal boundaries to be met? Your Birds are no different. All Birds will have times (some all the time) when they don’t want to be touched, a great way to nurture their sense of self is to recognize this & allow them that personal space. Some people worry that their Bird won’t feel a close bond with them if they do this, but think about it. If you met 2 new people- 1 respects your personal space & boundaries & 2 constantly invades your space & is in your face constantly regardless of what you say or do, which one would you choose to maintain a friendship with? Which one would cause you anxiety?
CHOICE – Imagine living a life that was entirely controlled by others. Every possession you had, everything you ate, everywhere you went, what freedom you had, who you could see & if you got to feel the sunlight on your face or a breath of fresh air was entirely down to somebody else & you had no say. Worse, they didn’t even care what your say would be. That is how most Birds feel. All the time. For Birds to truly thrive in our care & be happy as pets, we MUST give them their autonomy back. Wherever & whenever you can, give your Bird safe & healthy choices. Learn your Bird’s body language & the way they communicate their answer, then give them a choice & let them decide a little something. It could be 2 new toys & they get to choose which one they have now & which one goes in the toy box for later, do you want it in your cage or on a play stand? or perhaps the choice between 2 healthy treat items. Introducing elements of choice allows the Birds to feel more in control of their own lives & helps them have a better sense of who they are & what they think rather than just being an observer of their own life, they actually start to be heard & feel respected.
What can you do today to nurture your Bird’s sense of self?