With my flock I practice ‘choice tameness’. What this means is that my angels have the choice to sit on me or have kisses & tickles, it is offered but never forced. There are times when my Birds have to be handled (for health checks or medical treatment) but other than that, none of them are touched at all without their consent. This is a very different relationship between human & Bird than the conventional ‘you will be tame because I won’t stop until you give in’ relationship, but it is a bond built on trust. In this article we will cover choice tameness & what it really means.
WHAT IS CHOICE TAMENESS?
Choice tameness is a different approach to a strong, trusting relationship with the Birds in your care. It means that, with the exception of medical care or emergency, the Bird is never touched unless they want to be. This relies heavily on truly KNOWING your Bird. To only touch or approach a Bird when they are open, engaged, ready & comfortable means learning how to read their body language & the way each individual Bird expresses ‘yes’s or ‘no’. When I ‘step up’ my Birds who are comfortable with being stepped up, there is no contact made with their body. My hand is offered & they step onto it because they want to, not because they have been shoved in the chest.
All Birds have a very strong sense of autonomy & know that if they wish to be left alone or be left to play, there will be no issue with that. They are confident to express their opinion & know that it will be respected, significantly increasing confidence & reducing anxiety & ‘problem behaviors’ that stem from domination & extreme control over the Bird’s life. Rather than being a control figure that treats the Bird like a plaything, you become a pillar, a presence. The Bird knows that you are always on their side & are there to listen. If they want to sit on you, have kisses & cuddles or feel unsure, they know that you are right there & all they need is to go to you. This means that being with you is entirely the Bird’s choice & the human is not relying on bribes (treats), restraint (holding the Bird against their will), domination (pressing the chest to step up, shouting, punishments) or disabling (clipping) to share time with the Bird.
WHY DO I USE IT?
The Birds in my care have unique needs. Most have disabilities, past trauma, previous abuse or ‘problem behaviors’. Using autonomy & being a positive presence is a very important part of their care & therapy programs. The Birds in my care who don’t fall into those categories also benefit enormously from increased autonomy & a choice tameness approach. I use it to support them & ensure that they are being listened to. If a Bird is sitting on me, I want it to be because they choose to, not because they have been conditioned to. I don’t want to be in the same room as my Birds & have them experiencing anxious thoughts, wondering when I will grab them or bump my hand into their chest next, then worry about what I will do to them when they are pushed too far & end up biting.
It is hugely important to me, especially with those who have had awful experiences, that every moment we are together is meaningful, loving & respectful. We often think that our Birds don’t have the capacity to feel & think, let alone understand autonomy- but they do. I use choice tameness because my Birds deserve to be heard.
BUT IF YOU DON’T FORCE IT, THEY WON’T WANT TO SIT ON YOU!
It’s actually the other way around! I have had Birds who have been used for breeding for years on end with little human contact, then have come to me for retirement. Although they are domestic Birds, their behavior is very much ‘wild’. They will hiss, growl & flap around in terror if you are in the same room. With choice tameness & increased autonomy, they calm down & love being around people. Many of these elderly retired breeders end up sitting on me out of choice, taking food from my hand, coming up for kisses & to lick my face (yes Birds do lick you!) There were no training sessions, no approaches, no offerings- they just did it on their own.
Conversely, I recently took in a Cockatiel under a year old. She had her wings severely clipped, her tail cut off & she was dominated so much that she couldn’t take a step without permission (yes, really). Her previous owner stripped her of autonomy & subjected her to cruel & forceful training sessions. She stepped up every time you asked her to & sat still on you for hours on end- because she had no choice. I gave her therapy sessions to help her overcome her trauma & learn how to do things herself, without being commanded to freeze or move. She gradually had increased autonomy & her flights grew back. The moment she realized that she could fly, all of the imposed tameness vanished straight away. Every time I offered my hand, she would strike at me & fly to the highest point in the room where I couldn’t reach her. Most Bird owners would be horrified, my response? “Good for you my girl!”
Why did this happen? Because all of her ‘tameness’ was based on compliance. She stepped up, sat still & didn’t fly because there was no other option. She knew that she didn’t want to, but she was groomed & restrained until she gave in. The moment that option of ‘no thank you!’ arose, she grasped it with both fully flighted wings & sat above the reach of all. She took back her identity. This was her life, her body, her feelings, her flight & she was going to damn well express it! I am so proud of her. In time, she will be ready to sit on me again, on her own terms, but there is no hurry. Sometimes when we give autonomy, they move further away, but that is them finally speaking out. Never has silence been so loud.